When I was in my mid 50’s, I would suddenly awaken, panic stricken in the deepest, darkest hours of the night, with the realization that, I AM GOING TO DIE!!!!! I would lie in bed terrified, feeling completely powerless as I faced my inevitable demise......
Now, in my 60’s, I sometimes think the same thoughts. What’s different, though, is, that now the thought usually comes to me during the day, and it is without the terror and fear and charge of my 5th decade. It almost feels like a sense of awe comes over me....like, “Wow, I am really going to die.”.......most of the panic and fear is gone, replaced with a reverence for life and a deep respect for the mystery of death. The truth is we are all going to die. Everyone and everything that is alive dies. There is no escaping it.
What I fear most now is a life not lived.....a life devoid of meaning, a life without love and connection.
I do not want to die while I am still alive.
And so, my commitment is to honor my life by:
Being present in all that I do
Ensuring quality time with those whom I love and care about
Spending my time doing what I most care about
Yes, I am going to die.......and dammit, I am going to live while I’ve got the chance.....
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