I’m 66 years old. I like to think of myself as a Crone, an elder woman of wisdom and knowledge and depth and above the fray of the annoying world out there...Well, today, that annoying world came to my home. Now the truth is, I invited him in.....yes it was a him-from the county to inspect the heating system we had installed 2 years ago. And yes, I waited two years....well, we actually have 3 years from the application date, so really I could have waited quite a bit longer, but being so responsible I did not wait until the deadline. And thank the Goddess, or the Universe or Whomever that I didn’t wait any longer because our state of the art, brand new, already received and cashed all the eco rebates, heating system had some violations- 6 of them, but really several of them really aren’t violations because we actually fulfilled the requirements, but the paper work was-well-hiding this morning. And while the inspector assured and reassured us that this was quite normal and I think he even said fixable, he did mention something about having to cut a big hole next to our cool air return vent high in the wall above our newly painted room above the gorgeous rug we brought back from Turkey last spring.
I got upset and agitated. I contacted our very professional heating company immediately, sent them the inspector’s name and phone number-per his instructions and a list of the violations-maybe it’s that word-....Maybe if they had called it errors or shortcomings or ways to improve your already great heating system, it would have been easier to take in. But violations?????? I felt violated!!! My heating system’s reputation has been jeopardized and I was now facing one of my biggest nightmares - having to navigate the county bureaucracy and having to facilitate and organize communication between the heating company and the county.
My wise woman was no where to be found. Now to be fair, I did hear some voice in my head telling me that I was perhaps overreacting- that this “issue” really was quite solvable, but that didn’t stop me from leaving my body and getting spacy. So, I decided that the best thing for me to do at this time was to get in my car, fill the empty tank and give my 10 year old vehicle a nice bath-(well technically it would be called a shower because the water and soap comes from above and there was no bathtub to speak of) and just not think about the heating systems violations for a while.
Well, the truth is that all I thought about was the heating system and the inspector. Where was my wise woman counselor? I was cringing at the thought of my new walls being violated (there’s that word again) and imagining my now unpainted wall in the hall staring at me every time I walked by.
And then I heard that voice again......this time, she wasn’t trying to calm me down or rationalize the situation. She wasn’t even trying to fix it or me. This time she said something very diffierent. She reminded me that I have been wanting to explore through writing, my relationship to my wise woman for a long time. She told me the time was now. She told me to go home and write. And so I did.
Oh, and I feel so much better......
So, where was my wise woman counsel when I needed her? I know now that she was there all along. She told me the truth that I was overreacting and that the issue was fixable....I knew that....I just couldn’t let it in at the time. My 2 year old was in conflict with my 66 year old and if I have learned anything from being a classroom teacher for 20+ years, 2 year olds always win.....at least in the moment. My wise woman did what all good elders do, she gave me a time out......and I think that there may be something very synchronistic and symbolic about me filling up my car with gas AND giving my car ( and me because I sat in it as we went though the carwash) a cleansing because it was after that, that I was calmed down and able to take in what my wise woman counsel told me.
So here is what I have gleamed from today.
Life is not always pretty and tied in a bow. Life gets messy and annoying and we get hastled sometimes by things out of our control. And even though we may know all the right things to say to ourselves, our 2 or 4 or 6 year old takes over and no matter what our wise woman elder says, nothing is going to work in that moment........It is simply a time for a time-out. So take some time, get away from the problems, do something different, relax, take a walk, Find a way to fill yourself up and cleanse the yuck........Then, try listening again.......she’s been there all along and NOW you can hear what you couldn’t before.
No comments:
Post a Comment